silvertide

recently, i've been thinking a lot about how to go out about throwing your entire life out of the can.

or off the tracks.

or whatever phrase best explains what i'm trying to say, but the point is, it's actually not that hard.



i'm not thinking about derailing my life, okay? or kicking the can (no, wait, that's wrong). or whatever.

it's just that a lot of things CAN ruin your (my) life, but the truth is, it doesn't happen all that much, because a lot of things involve choices, and we're not obtuse enough or naive enough to always pick the wrong choice.



tsk, i can't get my point across.



so revision:

our lives can get fucked up beyond all recognition.

it Can get to a point where you can't go back to the way things used to be.

but more often than not, we have the choice NOT to let that happen.



so, er, bottomline?

don't despair. it could always get worse.



and i guess this is my way of saying i actually give a fart.

and although i'm not good with pep talks, it doesn't mean that my silence means i've got nothing good to say.

i cannot. can not. can't.

sometimes, being sensitive and gentle isn't the way to go.

sometimes you have to make a person bleed a little.

and then the healing begins.



of course, i can't, for the life of me

always be intentionally mean or hurtful.

more often than not, i do it unknowingly.



ah, what am i saying?

it's just that a lot of the people around me are depressed.

and although i'd like to help, i don't know how.



and i'm not an unfeeling ass.

much.



but no, actually, call me an ass.

because sometimes i can't sympathize

and i'd more likely be brash than understanding.



and selfish than giving,

and an ass more than a friend.

which is why i opt to just keep my mouth shut.



truth is i CAN empathize if i want to

and sometimes i do.

but i don't know quite what to say.



so forgive me if i can't be comforting.

i love (you), that's true, but that's why i shut up.

so maybe all i could do is listen.